the risk of authenticity
What is authenticity?
Authenticity can be described as the “quality of being genuine or real”. It’s a word with increasing popularity, especially in an age of technology and social media. We see photos that are manipulated or Photoshopped, and see a version of someone’s life that seems to be picture-perfect. Most people do not make posts about the difficulties their facing, as we want to be perceived as “having it all together”, “happy”, or “successful”. The pressure to present ourselves in a particular light can make it difficult to express our true selves. Authenticity is not just about presenting a picture-perfect version of ourselves; it’s about embracing our complete humanity—both the highs and the lows. It’s about being real in a space where it’s easy to succumb to the temptation of looking like we have it all figured out. Authenticity is crucial for forging deep, meaningful connections and understanding ourselves and others more fully.
Vulnerability
Being authentic goes hand in hand with vulnerability. Why would we choose to show the difficult parts of our life when we can highlight the good instead? Even when it comes to friendships and family, some people are very open an honest, and others have walls that need to be broken down. For me personally, I think I’ve been too vulnerable, almost to a fault. I deeply feel that if I want to be known by someone, I want to be known fully. For the good I’ve experienced, the bad, the ugly, and the mundane. If I only show the parts of myself that are seen as desirable, it feels like a facade. I’m putting on a show that inevitably will not last. I mean, I’m a human being who experiences the plethora of human emotion which includes stress, anxiety, sadness, and the like. To act like my life is filled with only good? It’s just that: an act.
To be known fully, is to be loved fully.
Who is deserving of our authenticity?
When it comes to our inner-circle, our friends, family, and loved ones, authenticity and vulnerability are so important. In order to grow with the people we love, we need to surrender ourselves to the idea of community. Individualism is incredibly prevalent in our society, and it does serve purpose. Individualism encourages us to pursue our own goals and talents, it allows us to forge our own opinions on topics, and it places importance on personal freedoms. All of these individualistic traits can help in our interpersonal relationships with those around us. However, there is a balance. Individualism can only get us so far. We are hard-wired to need a sense of community. We are not meant to experience this life alone. When we experience trials and tribulations, it is very easy to slip into feeling like a burden to your inner circle, and to try and handle it on our own. WE ARE NOT MEANT TO HANDLE LIFE ALONE. Vulnerability is imperative to forging meaningful connections in life. Being seen fully with all of our flaws and shortcomings and being loved not despite those things, but because of those things, is one of the most powerful facets of the human experience.
Who is not deserving of our authenticity?
It’s unfortunate, but as I’ve grown, I’ve recognized that not everyone is deserving of our most authentic selves. When we are vulnerable with people, we take a risk. The reason why people have difficulty being completely open and honest with who they are is because someone at some point in their life took their authenticity and used it against them. Ask yourself, “When is a time I shared something personal with someone I thought I could trust, and it backfired?”
Finding the Balance of Authenticity
Here is my personal way of going about things:
Authenticity is my default. As soon as someone takes my vulnerability and weaponizes it, they have shown that they are no longer deserving of my most authentic self.
Those who are not deserving of my most authentic self, cannot love me fully.
They cannot love me fully, because they cannot love themselves fully.
This is a direct reflection of them, not of me.
Set boundaries with friends, family, and those in your inner circle when they show they are not deserving of this authenticity.
Clearly communicate if you don’t want them to share what you said with anyone else.
Not everyone will handle your vulnerability with care, evaluate your relationships to see who is or isn’t deserving of it.
Do not let a few bad apples ruin authenticity for you. There are people you will meet in this life that will see you, flaws and all, and love the WHOLE you. I promise.
Questions to ask yourself or to journal about:
Who in my life do I need to set boundaries with when it comes to vulnerability?
Do I show my most authentic self to those who are deserving of it, or am I holding back out of fear?
What does the quote “To be known fully, is to be loved fully” mean to me?
Do I provide a safe space for my friends and family to show up as their most authentic selves? In what ways can I be better? Do I hold judgement?
